Whachamacallit?

I have been in the country for more than four years. English is now my main language. I get confused whenever I talk to my family and then Rick or a co-worker tries to butt-in. I talk to them in bisaya! Of course I still know my native tongue and still very fluent at that. I don't think that will ever change. Although, my tagalog is getting weaker by the hour. I am mostly lost for words and prefer English if possible. But that doesn't stop me from talking to my tagalog friends or relatives. I just find it hard. That's all.

Four years and I still find English a very complex language. Everyday I learn something new. I used to have a hard time pronouncing the T in words (they seem to not say it like it should be). Accent is still hard. Where do I go up and down in saying the words? My biggest struggle is family names! How I hate answering the phone and taking orders at work. I make sure I get their phone number right that way a sales rep can call them back. I struggle with words that are somehow similar in meaning but different in use. Like I use scared instead of worried. These are some of the little things that embarrass me when they repeat my sentence with the right word or pronunciation. It offends me when they do that. It makes me feel stupid. But I know they are just trying to help. Nobody ever laughs at me when I make a mistake. Which is good. But still... it's embarrassing.

I do get a lot of compliments though. They never have a problem understanding me. It's still a little frustrating at times when trying to express myself. But I am getting better at it. New found American friends helped me a lot! Confidence is really the key to better express yourself in another language. Thanks to my very supportive husband, I am confident in facing people and meeting new friends. Somehow I know deep inside he's proud of me whenever a new friend would say - Wow! You really speak well!

Practice makes perfect! ;-)