Alone

Eighteen entries and there's only a month left for the year. I suck at blogging. I admire those people who keeps their commitment to their blog. I have chanced upon quite a few who regularly updates their blog. Most of them are about cooking. Well, I suck at cooking too! So there! I just don't have a venue for blogging. My life is not that exciting. I live in Spooner, WI. Nothing happens in Spooner. But I like having the opportunity to write once in a while. It's nice to go back and read my thoughts.

Speaking of cooking, I made pinakbet, leche flan and banana bread tonight. I am home alone. Rick had to go help out his mom for a couple of days. So, I took this opportunity to make dishes that I don't usually prepare when he's here. He doesn't eat vegetables and he can't have sweets. Our usual meals consist of meat and potatoes. My version of dessert is unwrapping a chocolate bar. He doesn't stop me from making my own meals or indulge on a sweet treat, but, it's just a hassle making two separate dishes! The vegetables was such a nice change that, right now, I feel like I'm going to blow up from overeating! The leche flan didn't turn out too well. I found out afterwards that you're suppose to mix by hand, not with an electric mixer. I'm bringing the bread to work tomorrow. Hopefully they'll like it.

It's almost midnight and I'm tired. But, I couldn't sleep. I hate being alone in this big empty house. Well, our house is not big, but it sure feels like it when you're all alone! It's times like this when I wish that my chaotic family was here. I miss them. Heck, I missed them when I was there! The thought of leaving them again made me miss them. Anyway, I am tired because I raked the yard this afternoon. It was nice out, sun was shining and it was in the fifties. Perfect day for raking! It helped kept me from being too lonesome. But boy, is our yard huge! Got blisters, my back and arms are sore! I'll whine to Rick when he gets home. I might make him baked macaroni tomorrow if I feel like it.

Check this out! She's got really good recipes! They're easy to make too.

Vacation

It's been awhile since we got back from our month long vacation in the Philippines. Took me some time to get used to the quietness of our home and the food. Tried to recreate the dishes that my dad made but couldn't. I believe it's not the ingredients that makes the difference or how you cook it, it's the company you have at the dinner table that gives the food it's distinct taste. Slowly I forced myself to acclimate to my old life again. It's hard. But I think I'm doing all right.

The vacation was a surprise to my family. That's why I couldn't make an entry about the preparation and excitement that I was feeling. Only one sister knew we were coming. Must have been hard keeping our secret! So, armed with a suitcase full of pasalubong, we flew. 20 hours of flight time and I was back in my native land. The applause when we landed at the NAIA got me teary eyed. I'm home! Well, sort of... I was back in my native land! The excitement in the plane was unbelievable. Rick asked me if I was happy to be back... a smile and a nod was all I can handle. I knew if I opened my mouth, I would burst into tears. Weird. I can't explain the feeling... but I was ready to cry... because I was happy! :-)

I can still see my parents' huge smiles when they saw who pulled up in front of the house. I was so happy to see everybody again. It was like being in a dream. Well, it was kinda... Haven't slept for more than 30 hours. Rick and I were instant celebreties! It was uncomfortable at first. I'm not used to all the attention, you know. Besides, I didn't want the neighbors to know we were there, hence the surprise. But I guess it's hard to hide a white guy! Haha!

The month was over in a flash! Friends and relatives I promised to visit, never happened. I did get to see some of them... but it wasn't enough. I felt bad. They must have thought I became a snob. But it was my first time as a balikbayan. I didn't know what the protocol was... So i hope they will forgive me and give me another chance. In the future, we will plan our vacation better. I know now that one can never have too much chocolate. That's the one thing a balikbayan should never forget.

Although there was a lot on my to do list that didn't get done and with Rick getting sick, we still had fun. I felt bad for him. But being sick did not dampen his spirit or stop him from enjoying the sun and sea! It was fun to bond with my brothers and sisters again as well. They have grown so much and had become their own person. I had to get to know them all over again. I got to meet my two adorable nephews too! Oh, how I miss them! I miss everything, Filipino! The noise, the mall, friends, family and food! Can you believe I did not have any durian at all? I may not be a big fan, but it's a must when visiting Davao. Oh, such shame! We did get our tan and ten pounds... So we're good!

It was a relief that we were running late for our flight back. Quick hugs, kisses and goodbyes was exchanged at the airport. No time for tears. Thank God for that! Tears welled in my eyes as we were walking in. I refused to look back because it's hard. I felt bad for leaving them again. Goodbyes are always hard, but the promise of coming back soon somehow helps.

At Work

The cat is away again! Time to play!

Woke up really early this morning. I think it was not even 4am yet. Started thinking about the changes I had to make on my financial reports. Yesterday, I got to visit with somebody who's supposedly was an "expert" in finances. Showed him what I do, the recording and the reports... He suggested a thing or two like to further simplify my reports. I guess it was too complicated for the board members that's why he had to check on me. But oh well, can't please everybody! Anyway, he was all praise about my work. He said I was a genius in PeachTree (the accounting software we use) and that he was so impressed with the quality of work that I do. He said it to a couple of our board members and my boss. I was elated when I went home. A few kind words made me forget my frustrations. At least for the rest of the day yesterday. This morning I was greeted by my computer with an error. The smile quickly fade away... Life is not perfect, so I just have to deal with it.

Broke!

I'm officially broke.

It is such a sad sad feeling knowing you can't afford to buy anything. Not even a pair of flip flops! Although I don't need one... but it gives me comfort when I know I can buy anything I want without having to worry about it. I may sound selfish but I worked hard to be where I am now.. or should I say, where I was. I guess I should work harder and stop giving away my hours. Stop calling in sick and not leave early because I don't have anything else to do. I hate wasting the company's money, but what the heck! I am broke! I can't even afford to pick my own nose! Rick always uses that expression whenever he talks about somebody who's broke. But I never really fully understood the whole meaning of it. Oh well, I'll borrow his line anyway.

Ugh! I really don't feel too well right now. Being broke makes me nauseous. Weird. But, I only have myself to blame. As what most people say in times of trouble... "There's a light at the end of the tunnel." I can see a tiny glimpse of it now. There is hope after all.

Our Journey Together

Here's a little something I created this afternoon out of boredom and idleness. Chores were done yesterday and the rain pretty much imprisoned us in our own home. I may have started the slide show out of boredom, but I had fun trying to recall what picture happened when. Rekindle the flame of love... It is our anniversary today. I want to share with you the pictures of Rick and me on our journey together...

While going through our photos, i couldn't help but dream of future trips together. We have been talking about touring Europe and going back to the Philippines... I hope it happens soon. I'll make sure we'll take pictures of us together. I noticed when we went to LA and Las Vegas, there was not a single picture of us together! Then I remembered we didn't have a digital camera before. We had his trusty ol' manual camera. I was embarrassed using that camera, let alone ask people to take our picture! Oh, those were the days...

To Rick,

All the things that the world has to offer,
From the mountains to the sea.
From sunrise until the moon shines.
It is more beautiful,
Because I get to share it with you.

Happy Anniversary! I love you!

Absence

I know. It's been a while.

Ever since my Rick stopped working and became a full time husband, my days are filled with spending time with him. Seldom do we stay home on days when I don't have to work. Therefore my time in the computer is limited. So, rather than me windows shopping and him watching tv, he prefers to drag me out of the house and find something fun to do. I don't blame him! It can get boring being cooped up in the house all day. What we do varies each day, movie marathons, property hunting, garage sales, pick flowers for the yard, or simply a walk around the block. He just wants to get out of the house. We are into biking this time, the weather is just too beautiful to pass up... besides, we do need the exercise! We are planning to bike around Shell Lake, which is about 9 miles, so this should be interesting.

We went to the Keweenaw Penninsula in Michigan last week. It's beautiful up there. Nature's beauty at it's best! It never ceases to amaze me how wonderful God's creation is. And the way the Americans highlight and preserve it - awesome! I know there's more to see... but so far, not a hint of disappointment in me. While up there, we spent a night at a rustic cabin. Rick found out the hard way that he married a modern Filipina and not a humble girl from the boondocks. Let's just say it wasn't a pleasant stay and he had to hear about it. Some of the little quirks about me that he still didn't know.

Marriage is indeed a lifelong process of getting to know your partner. It will have it's highs and lows, ups and downs. You are each others' cheer leader. It's a journey. Savor every moment.

Greetings

I'm taking a break from my very busy life to greet all mothers out there, who made life more beautiful and meaningful by their presence in this world. Thank you for giving us life.

To my Mama,
On special days like this,
the very best way to say everything
that's in my heart
is to say...

I love you!

Alone

I literally had to beg Rick to go out with his friends tonight. He looked at me last night with sad eyes. He asked if I was sick of him. Sometimes a person just needs some alone time. Time to think and ponder on issues about life and things... No, I am not sick of him. But I miss the days when I anxiously wait for him to come home. The joy of seeing him come through the door, the "welcome home" kiss and the happy feeling of not being alone anymore. I know it sounds weird. But it was our thing when he was still working. Nowadays, it's the other way around. I miss our old thing. But this is our life now and I accept that without a problem. Although it wont hurt to visit my alone time sometimes. Just like today.

Photography

Not so many blog entries ago, I had mentioned that Rick got a DSLR camera for his birthday. To my disappointment, he doesn't use it that much. His hand is not very steady. He needs a tripod and a remote. We are still waiting on the later. So he has been asking me to take pictures. With delight, I click away. I fell in love with photography. If only they're a tad cheaper, I'd buy me one as well. For now, I will settle with borrowing his. I know pretty soon he'll get sick of me hogging the camera. I'll try to control myself. I will control myself. Below are samples of our lame attempt in photography.

Father Andrew with Ella Jean after the baptism. He wont stop dancing!
But I captured a good one. They look so sweet together.

Rick took this picture of Amnicon Falls. We took a total of 80 shots that day. Only 10% came out good. Hey, practice makes perfect!

I took this one today. Another bloom from a plant I got from Rick
just because he missed me.

Have a nice weekend, everyone!

Trust

Trust. Such a strong word. It's easy to earn it. But once you lose it, it's hard to gain it back.

It's typical for me to be shy and timid when I just met somebody. But once I warm up to you... I open my heart and let you in. I made that mistake with a co-worker. I trusted her with my aches, my dreams, my regrets and aspirations. Yesterday I found out from a mutual acquaintance how she has been talking about me behind my back. Good or bad it doesn't matter anymore. Trust has been broken. She lost a friend in me. How awful it felt when I found out about it. It's not something I would wish on anyone. So I am not going to tell her what I have heard. From now on, i'll just keep my thoughts to myself.

A lesson has been learned from this experience. This morning I woke up with a renewed vow. Trust no one but your best friend. I'm lucky to have found that in my family and a few Filipino friends. It'll be a while or perhaps never, will I ever trust another American soul to be my friend.

Trust. Guide it with your heart.

Birthday Wish

It's Rick's birthday again! No plans yet! I really wanted to throw him a party but he repeatedly refused despite my constant nagging. We are not anti-social, we love our friends and would want to spend time with them. But I guess, when you are in pain, you don't really feel like hanging out with a bunch of people. So I gave him what he wanted. Peace and quiet. And a camera to rekindle his love for photography. Hopefully he'll figure out the controls and functions. It is kind of complicated.

Nothing is planned so far. Church then brunch then whatever. He wants to barbecue a rack of ribs but let's see if all the snow has disappeared from the weekend's warm spell. If not, then off to a fancy restaurant! McDonald's perhaps? My treat! :)

To my Richard,

Wishing you promising years ahead.
Good fortune, good health, lots of travel and love.
Let's explore the world together and have fun!

I love you and I love my life with you.

Happy birthday, sweetheart...

xoxo

I Can't Drive 55

I Cant Drive 55 - Sammy Hagar

Nostalgia

F4/Meteor Garden. They were rocking the scene when I left.

Amazing! I finally had a day with nothing to do and I actually got bored! It’s half past nine now. Almost bed time. I’ve been singing screaming my lungs out for an hour now. Am in youtube trying to entertain myself. Decided to search for Filipino karaoke and realized how I don’t know a lot of the songs anymore. Specially current ones. It’s like I am frozen in time. My last memory of Filipino songs are from Regine Velasquez, Sarrah Geronimo and Aiza Seguerra. My heart still skips a beat whenever I sing their songs. Brings back memories of how I would scan the stalls in the overpass to Gaisano Mall for current pirated videoke dvd’s. How Sunday afternoons were spent with my sisters belching away ‘til supper time. It usually rains whenever we had our singing sessions. A blessing for the neighbors. hehehe..

Oh, how time flies. Five years. A lot has changed since then. I bet my sisters would laugh at me if we have one of our get together again and I would request to sing Dadalhin. I can just hear them teasing me… Boy, I’m old. And out of touch. Fashion. Trend. Music. Everything. I am an oldie…

It’s actually called life.

Happiness Is...

Life hasn't been the best for the past few weeks. But the hardship did not dampen my spirits. I remain to be true to my name. Happy. A blessing. During hard times is the best time to think about good stuff. So when I found out that Odette, the little miss firefly, is having a contest in her blog, I made sure that I'll find time in my busy life to somehow join and try my luck. What have I got to lose, right? Anyway, at the end of this month, she'll have a random drawing for the goodies that she made herself. It's really simple, you just need to make a blog entry about happiness... Details of the contest is posted in her blog. So, if you're interested, do drop by her blog and say hello. You'll find interesting stuff like craft and recipes there. But most of all, you'll find a friend.

Closing my eyes now and going to my happy place... :)

Happiness is...

• knowing that somebody missed you while you were gone.
• a random gift from your special someone. the occasion? - just because!
• a warm bed at the end of a cold winter day.
• having someone to cuddle no matter what the season.
  
• being blessed and becoming a blessing.
• having friends who care and share.
  
• being loved and loving in return. unconditionally!
  

Hello

I have a quick minute to spare. Laundry is churning away downstairs. TV blaring in the living room. I miss being home.

For some unknown reason, I feel like my life suddenly changed from being relaxed and predictable, to complete chaos and stress. Did not sign up to be in this rat-race of being employed, but I definitely found myself in one. I'm exhausted. I have been longing for change but it seems like it's nowhere near in sight.

Rick lost his job a couple weeks ago. He spends most of his days with therapy and at the doctor's office. Yes, he hasn't been feeling quite himself. In fact he applied for disability. Poor thing... it seems like anything that could go wrong, is happening to him. But despite his health problems, he continues to fight and refuses to give in to pain. At least he is trying to. I help encourage him and lift up his spirit. I try to, at least.

Before, I can afford to miss a lot of days at work. I gave away my hours just so I can be with Rick and do stuff together. But now, I look for more hours to work. I am barely home. That is why I am exhausted.

A quick minute is all I can spare now. Time is precious.

Music to my Ears

The beginning of the song is my favorite. Didn't really pay attention to the rest of the song. But it is easy to listen to so i am sharing this with you. Enjoy!

I'm Here

I really wanna write something with sense. So much to say too little time. Still swamped with work and chores. I have learned a lot these days. I'm getting to know more about myself. A big change had happened to us. There's a good and a bad side to that change. I am excited and worried at the same time. Will elaborate when I can finally devote more time to at least finish a decent entry. But for now, I want you to know that I am here, still alive, breathing the crisp air of winter, facing a new challenge everyday, challenges I face with a brave face and a hopeful heart. I also want to leave you with a picture inspired by Odette - the little miss firefly, who shared her secret to amazing photo editing. Thank you.

Picture It

My version of lechon paksiw. Yum!
(pork roast, cider vinegar, soy sauce, brown sugar, laurel leaf, cinnamon, thyme, pork gravy, salt and pepper)

Twilight Madness

Why Bella Swan?

Why Stephanie Meyer?

I can't stand what happened in Eclipse. Two sleepless nights were devoted to finish two books. Bored. Disappointed. Halfway through the third book I was down to reading just the dialogue. I finished the book just for the sake of finishing. Twilight was indeed so much better than it's sequel. I wish it was a book by itself rather than a series. It would have been better. I would have been happier. It's only a book I know... but all the fuss about how good it was and how great a writer she is made me curios. But honestly, I was very disappointed. I was pouting when I finally put down the book. You can't blame me if I am not too excited to read Breaking Dawn.

Yes I am mad! Losing sleep over these books was not worth it. Hmp! I hope The Deathly Hallows is better reading.

I was bitten and it hurt!